Saturday, August 15, 2015

We're having a baby, my baby and me!

It's been a journey to get to this point in our lives! 

My beloved and I have been desiring to start a family (we would love to have many children!) since our Wedding! We left all that to the Lord and I even hoped for a honeymoon baby (would that have not been the sweetest?), but nothing have happened...

Last February I went to my doctor to see what was happening, and he (teaming up with my Obgyn) told me that conceiving was not impossible for me, but it would be hard as I had PCOS, but there was no fear I wouldn't have children, but that I had to be more healthy for not just my sake but the sake of having children!

I went home upset and guess what I did? I bought a cherry coke and a bag of chocolate donuts and a small bag of doritos, went home, put on a sad movie and cried my eyes out. Oh ya, that REALLY helped the situation. 

 There was a symptom from the PCOS that made me physically suffer 24 hours and 7 days a week for a year and a half. Oh yes, you heard me right.

Before moving to Tennessee, I just gave up on my health completely. I was in denial, "Eh, i'm ok with not having children for a few more years. I have so much to do so children isn't in my heart right now." Amazing the lies we tell ourselves!

 My beloved had enough of seeing me sulk and in physical pain (because after I heard how hard it would be to conceive, I just gave up.) and sat me down saying, "Baby, I miss you. I miss the vibrant and joyful girl who loved to be creative and always full of laughter. You're hurting yourself." He then went and got my Trim Healthy Mama book and said, "I missed you when you were applying what Trim Healthy Mama taught. You were so full of life with the food you ate! Please go back to it." I just shrugged my shoulders.

He then said, "I want to watch a documentary with you. It's called Food Inc. , it's on Netflix (it still is) so we are watching it right now."

I almost threw a tantrum. I just knocked my head back with a HUGE sigh and groaned, "A documentary? Babe, they are so boooorrriinnngggg!!!! Can't we watch a comedy? It's not going to change me magically."

He didn't heed my complaints, he put it on, and I sat there on the sofa with my legs and arms crossed, making sure he knew I wasn't going to listen to it.

By the end of the documentary, I had my elbows on my crossed knees and holding my chin up listening and watching attentively not wanting to miss one thing... When it finished, I looked at Dustin with tears in my eyes and said, "Enough." Not only was the documentary very entertaining but it grasped my attention and my heart and convicted me so DEEPLY! What was I doing with myself? Why was I doing this? 

 It took me a while to change some habits but change I did... but with that change did not come easy times... no... my PCOS symptoms hit me with all the force it could muster that I was confused, "But, i'm making changes! Why am I not getting better?" Then I realized that in order to get something, one must go through high waters to get there or have it!

When we arrived in Tennessee, I had made some changes but I wasn't 100% committed, thus my body was confused and hurting even more.

January 2015 came and I began to read Trim Healthy Mama  again, but this time I was desperate, I knew this symptom was going to land me in the hospital if I didnt get serious. So I committed for the first time 100%.

It wasn't easy, but I stayed the course... Late March/early April, my beloved and I were at our home church (our pastor's home), and the Lord told pastor to pray over us... He also told him to have a very sweet friend of mine to pray over my womb. My sweet friend laid her hand on my tummy and prayed for life to come now and children to come forth, when she prayed that, I felt a soft "boom" deep inside my tummy which shocked me and I felt a warmth spread to every part of my body.

 That night, my husband said, "I should have been praying over your body and womb a long time ago... As the Patriarch and protector of this home and marriage, I failed in that area. But no more." He then laid his hands on my tummy and prayed... he felt the vibration of a bigger "Boom" and he looked at me shocked and said, "Did I feel that?", there was a physical rearranging happening inside of me for the better.

 2 weeks later, the symptoms that I was suffering with for the last year and a half ceased completely. I woke up and realized, "I'm healed!" Not only did Trim Healthy Mama come through, but prayer moved this mountain that was standing in my way! He is Able!

 I stuck with my improving health, taking care of the body that God lovingly created, and Dustin took care of both of us by planting a garden!

With the help of our neighbor (who is a professional gardener), my beloved made the most beautiful garden! Cucumbers, radishes, tomato's, watermelon, pumpkins (in the Fall will be ready to harvest), green beans and herbs! He was determined to help me pursue total health so that we may be able to have children, and he is very passionate when it comes to natural food!

 My husband has a very good career in IT, but he doesn't really care for it, he does it to take care of his family... but his dream is to have a small farm and farm sheep (as a side business for me as well). He is slowly working and studying his way to make that dream become a reality for our family and for our children to be raised in the country (like I was raised as well). Look how handsome and content my husband is after picking green beans he grew from his garden!

My husband also has a worm farm and uses the compost for his garden... because of that, look how wonderful it looks!!! My husband is a blessing, he not only protects us financially but health wise, he is no stumbling block when it comes to my health!

After eating correctly and as natural as we could for the next 4 months, something happened...

Each month i'd be hoping for a missed cycle, and each month I have been disappointed. There were times I think i'd miss a cycle and i'd take a test and nothing... only to have my cycle play games with me and arrive the next day. Each month we were hoping that I would be blessed with a pregnancy, but no. 

Nevertheless, I trusted in the Lord and told Him, "Lord, into your hands we commit our trust. Your ways are better than our ways, and your thoughts are higher than ours. Visit us with children, open my womb and let life come forth, children are your heritage and the fruit of the womb is your reward, we receive that promise and claim it as our own."

In July I was so busy with my Etsy shop and making yarn and getting inspiration for Christmas ornaments I will be listing and incredibly occupied with my prim doll  that for the first time, I was not even thinking about getting pregnant... to be honest, I was completely preoccupied that I forgot!

As the date of my cycle was approaching, I felt some symptoms that also equate with symptoms of a period, so I automatically thought "ahhh, of course! 2 days before it begins, that's why i'm feeling funny."

The 2 days came and went and nothing happened. I wasn't at all concerned, I just shrugged and knew my cycle was sometimes a few days late or early, so I told my husband, "I bet it's going to come next weekend."

The next weekend came and went, and nothing happened. This time I was worried. My first thoughts were, "Oh no... my PCOS is flaring up... This happened a month before our Anniversary a year and a half ago (our anniversary is in September), and for that year and a half after I was in pain physically! Please... no."

 My husband was the positive one, he said, "Baby, you could be pregnant!" I responded with, "Nope, no way. I feel absolutely normal." But I was ignoring some signs that I heard about and thought they were just little aches and pains from something else.

Another huge sign was our labrador, Sadie. She began to act extremely strange 2 weeks prior to my completely missed period. She began to nuzzle my tummy, sniff it a bit, want to be as close to me as possible (she HAD to always be touching me in some way), which was endearing but also very annoying as she was constantly underfoot. She also did one thing she never did, which made my husband and I go, "Hmmmm."

When I had to go to the bathroom, she came inside (she never was allowed to do that, only wait outside) and would sit at my feet watching me intently. Sometimes so intently I would wonder, "What are you trying to say to me, Sadie girl?"

Finally, on a Saturday, my beloved couldn't take it. He said, "Please take a pregnancy test." I was afraid to take one, not only to feel disappointed but that he too would feel disappointed as well, so I said, "No no no, I may have just missed a cycle and next month it will come back. It's normal.", he gently kept coaxing me to take one, I finally gave in.

We had two pregnancy test, from just a month before, left. I took one and laid it down for the 2 minutes and fully expected to see nothing (like I was used to 100's of times before), after 2 minutes I sighed and looked down ready to toss it to the trash and holler to my husband waiting in anticipation, "I told you I wasn't pregnant!"

I looked down and froze.

The most dimmest line showed up. So dim you would think, "It's just an evaporation line", but i've taken so many tests and seen what negative really looked like that my eyes were trained to see only negative... for the very first time, I saw something I never saw before, the faintest line you could imagine.

 I yelled, "BABE! COME HERE!" He come running and I asked him to look. He saw the faintest line, and we were completely unsure. I then made my mind up that I wasn't pregnant and that was just a fluke test with a bad test strip. Not my beloved! He said, "Nope, you are pregnant."

We decided to wait for the following weekend to buy some tests and try again.

That whole week was horrible for me and hopeful for him! It was horrible because I was (unfortunately) anticipating bad news. I didn't want to give myself false hope, but yet, my spirit was fighting for hope!

In the middle of the week I dreamed such a vivid dream that I woke up with tears in my eyes.

I dreamed of a white baby with dark brown hair and bluish eyes, and chubby and rosy cheeked cuddling in my arms. Then an older gentleman who looked like half lumberjack and half santa clause took my baby and tossed him gently in the air, tickled the baby and cuddled the baby lovingly... then he handed the baby back to me and said, "Take good care of this baby... Do not neglect your duty." As he walked away I called out to him, "But... what if others tell me to stop? What if they tell me to do this or do that? What should I say to them?", he paused in his tracks, turned around half way (I only saw the profile of his face) and quoted from the book of Nehemiah, 

"Tell them... I  have a great work, I can not come down."

Then I woke up!

That following friday, I joined my home church to a mini prayer service, praying for the state of Tennessee when during one of the prayers, the guest speaker spoke the name of our child! My head shot up when I heard the name being used in prayer, by a person i've never met, and right there and then I knew... I'm pregnant.

This name was given to me when we were living in California last year. We were driving home at night and I was just gazing out the window when I heard the Lord tell me, "Your baby shall be named ..." (We want to keep the name a secret until the birth), I went home and looked up the name and studied on it and showed it to my husband.

Going back to the prayer meeting, this gentleman said the exact name while praying! I was overwhelmed with excitement, but yet my mind still wanted to fight the hope with negativity... I told it to be still, this time I was going to live and believe by faith, and not by sight or senses.

The next morning I decided to take the last test...

 No denying it! I was pregnant! Dustin just stared at me and said, "I always knew it.", it didn't hit me, I was in a daze... inside my soul... my spirit I was screaming and jumping up and down in pure joy! But in my physical, I looked as if it was just another day! I was so shocked!

I called my parents right there and then and straight out said, "I'm pregnant."

I heard my dad laughing and crying and my mom said, "DON'T PLAY WITH US! REALLY?", they told me that the weekend before they felt that I was pregnant and began to thank the Lord about this little one growing inside of me.

After that we told his family and they were thrilled, because it seems (after some searching) that my husband may be the last one to carry on the Edberg name! No pressure, right? Ha ha! My mam-in-love was so happy and his grandmother on his father's side was thrilled to be a great grandmother for the very first time!

 To be extra sure this wasn't a false positive, we decided to purchase 5 more tests (one was a digital) and try the next morning...

The next morning I had butterflies in my tummy, I was afraid this was a false positive and was giving everyone false news. I was so worried!!!

All five came out positive and the digital not only says that i'm pregnant but I was about 1 - 2 weeks from conception. Of course I won't know until I see my midwife (I want to have a home birth naturally) and see how far along I really am!

After finding out that I was officially pregnant (6... almost 7 positives don't lie!), Dustin began to spoil me immensely and treating me as if I was an extremely fragile doll. He began to harvest from the garden as quick as he could to allow me to snack on,

 and wanted me to have a craving to go buy snacks for me (healthy snacks)! He began to daily pray over the baby and consecrate this little one to the Lord, and each day would talk to my tummy to the little one and talking to him/her about Jesus and how much his/her daddy loves him/her! I absolutely love this side of Dustin i've never seen before!

He blessed me by purchasing (at the most incredibly red tag price) a leather reclining sofa so I would be comfortable.

He also right away took my rocking chair that was gathering dust, dusted it off and cleaned it so I could use it inside and he said, "well when the baby is born, you can rock the baby to sleep!"

And Sadie girl has been just as affectionate... it was because of her sensing my pregnancy that made us realize that we needed to test!

Here she is lying on my tummy after we found out we are expecting our first baby! She has a look that says, "Wait... i'm not going to be the baby anymore?"

We are thrilled, we are excited and we are so thankful to the Lord for visiting us!

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
    are children born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man
    whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
    when they contend with their opponents in court. - Psalm 127:3-5


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